Dredged up From the Sea (For Joseph)

Dredged up From the Sea (For Joseph)

Across the expanse of the darkening sky, in a sparkle of stars is the prize for the fledgling that asks him not for permission to test the waters.

The horizon in the distance reveals the earth as flat. If one is not fearful of falling such an illusion can be taken as fact. Who would care to lie in the most foolish time of their life? Absorbed by the static waves of grandeur in the hours that arrive are pleasures that should not become a divide.

She does not attend to his silence nor he to her speech though they travel together each to the other has become out of reach. At the edge of an abyss, she does not fret nor consider imaginary sea monsters for they are far behind and cannot exist where they do not belong. 

At dawn, she awakes to the icy choir that cries out a threnody from his heart all for not. By virtue and conceit, it is easy to pause and measure the score of this rhapsody. Ask her to heave lamentable throwbacks over the leviathans. She would, but, not stay long to ponder what will or will not float for she has no doubt of reaching her destination with him or without. 

 

 

Simple is as Simple Was

Simple is as Simple Was

Remind me of simple times that I might recall the fun I had with you

When I was a young girl who plucked petals from a Daisy

Needing a sign whether you loved me or you loved me not

How many times did we roller skate in the school’s parking lot

Did you fill a Yellow bucket with seawater to build me a sand castle

I have a picture that was finger painted once bright in colored hue

Blooming strawberry plants stretched in rows two by two

Remind me how simple is or how simple was before we grew

 

No Redress for Reality

When will th20160817_210829e day come that she no longer holds onto memories that even the most endearing souls cannot fathom?

Like th20160817_210313e ocean’s tide, they shall cease back into her fragmented mind. 

The day that she can wipe away her tears and find the courage to conquer her fears.

When will the day come that she will no longer search for nonexistent solutions to what cannot be undone?

When will the day come that she can settle herself rather than continue to run? The day she can believe her life has not ended; a new chapter has begun.

Too Soon to Lose

Too Soon to Lose

Oh, Lord why did you take my mom so soon? Taking her life before spring flowers had chance to bloom. My spirit left void the moment mom did depart. Like a vacant room thus became my grieving heart.

It was in the early morning when mom phoned to say she was suffering severe pain in every bone. I arrived within minutes as the distance between us was not that far. Immediately, I sensed the pain she could not mask. Have you not seen a doctor, was the first question I asked? She looked down, hesitated, then slowly replied, “I thought the pain would subside.” At the hospital, mom was tested for this and that, when finished, in the waiting room together we anxiously sat.

Often, mom would shift and softly moan, I would lean in toward her and whisper, “remember, mom you are not alone.” I was tormented for the hours passing in that day by thoughts of what the doctor might come to say. Quickly, we rose as we watched the doctor approach, he turned away to clear his throat before he spoke. Exhausted from worry and concern, I listened as my worst nightmare his words did confirm.

Terminal Lung Cancer was mom’s given fate, within six months the doctor estimated death’s date. To my home, mom came to live out the days that remained. With faith, mom became resolved while I went insane as I comforted and cared for her while rendering aid. Time did keep to a natural pace though it seemed to race, in the thirteenth week, the last test showed throughout mom’s body her cancer had grown. Filled with dread, I understood what need not be said, it was time to surrender mom to a hospital bed.

Several days after, mom was no longer aware so from the pain she was mercifully spared. Like rain pouring from the darkness of a storm came a flood of tears held back from fear. Through the large window in mom’s room way up high, I viewed a swath of Violet across the open sky. It was the reflection of the Jacaranda’s blossoms, an annual treat, now presented ever so bitter than sweet. The day after Mother’s Day, of all the days to be, in a breath mom’s heart ceased to beat.

Oh, Lord why did you take my mom so soon? Taking her life before spring flowers had chance to bloom. My spirit left void the moment mom did depart. Like a vacant room thus became my grieving heart.

Months later, while asleep in my bed to mom’s soul I dreamt I was led. She looked at me smiling softly and then said, “Come hold me, daughter, if you wish.” As I did, I felt the love I continue to miss. After I awoke, no longer present was my grief for I understood when from this life I leave then to be together with my mom for eternity.

Mom, Esther passed May 12, 1992 – 55 years of age.

The Fearless Fighter

The Fearless Fighter
She’s a survivor, they said,
of a childhood made up by days of sexual abuse, physical and verbal abuse, abandonment and neglect.
   
A survivor, they said,
of teenage years made up by days of drugs, promiscuity, belligerence, loneliness, juvenile detention, and boarding school.
 
She really is a survivor, they said,
to have made it to early adulthood after being a victim of incestual rape, parented by a vengeful mother, and an absent alcoholic father.
 
She’s a survivor who became the fearless fighter they now say she is, made up by days of antipsychotic medications, hospitalizations, depression, solitude, tears and the memories of all those days that were.
 
She’s a fearless fighter they have forgotten, living in days made up by more days. Her life is like a speeding train without a conductor that is racing downhill on twisted tracks that lead to nowhere. She’s a fearless fighter, she’ll survive ’cause that’s what fighters do; they survive. 

The Disappearing Sunset

The Disappearing Sunset

I felt doomed the day I learned of this disease that is slowly taking my vision away. I still will not consider nor conceive how my life will continue when I cannot see. The leaves dangling from branches of trees and colorful flowers on their stem with circling bees. White drifting clouds in the sky simply passing by and the delicate lines that define precious faces that are dear, for that loss alone I shed these tears.

Where can I escape this gripping fear for knowing all will disappear? I now wish to be among the stars, near the sun or beside the moon. I now wish to be anywhere, somewhere, just not here.

 

Glaucoma is one of the leading causes of blindness across the globe. This eye disease is asymptomatic, and you will not be aware you have it until your optic nerves are permanently damaged.  Early detection is one’s best chance of slowing the progression of glaucoma. Make an appointment with an optometrist as soon as possible.