Where can I buy the book, Forgiveness for Dummies? After commenting against forgiveness another blogger questioned my proclamations. As I tried to formulate a response, I realized I was not sure why I felt so strongly about not forgiving someone.

Searching online to further understand forgiveness, I read articles with titles like, Forgive and Forget, Let Go of The Past, and Why You Should Forgive. However, there was not an explanation on how to accomplish the written suggestions, for example, “Think about the incident that angered you. Accept that it happened.” What does that sentence mean? Do I accept that what happened in the literal sense, like C’est La Vie? Is the advice suggestive that I tell myself it is okay that my personal belongings were stolen by my nephew while I was involuntarily hospitalized for bipolar depression?

Another piece of advice that was confusing, “Acknowledge the growth you experienced because of what happened. What did it make you learn about yourself, or about your needs and boundaries?” Absolutely nothing was learned save the belief family members cannot be trusted. How does one gain personal growth from being robbed by your nephew or learning your brother has swindled you out of your inheritance? One article ended with the words, “Forgiving the other person is a wonderful way to honor yourself. It affirms to the universe that you deserve to be happy.” Okay, but I thought the age of Aquarius was over decades ago; now I feel frustrated. Have my life experiences clouded my perception of the key components necessary to understand the concept of forgiveness?

After my over thinking forgiveness, I checked the definition which only caused me to become more confused. How could the following definition be helpful?

Forgive / Definition of Forgive by Merriam-Webster: to stop feeling anger toward (someone who has done something wrong): to stop blaming (someone): to stop feeling anger about (something): to forgive someone for (something wrong): to stop requiring payment of (money that is owed).

Going back to my prior blog posts, I found several instances where I had used the word “unforgivable.” What came to mind was the question, why am I so resistant to the idea forgiveness? After my two-day search for the Holy Grail of forgiveness, I realized that I really need to forgive myself for how I treated my mom in the last weeks of her life. Although twenty-five years have passed, I cry all the time for not telling her I loved her. At one point during her illness, while stopped at a red light, my mother turned to me and asked, “why is it that you haven’t cried after learning I am going to die?” I did not have an answer then, but I do now, I had not forgiven her for being an abusive mother.

“The thoughts you have are vital to leaving the past behind…” This line I found in a post written about moving on. I have a sense that this is where I should start.

 

 

 

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7 thoughts on “Next Stop, Planet Forgiveness

  1. Cynthia,
    I can completely relate! My mother was abusive as well. I hated her. I used to dream about window shopping for a new mother. I didn’t feel like there was love in the home. It was very hard for me to forgive her, but I did. I had to tell her off (honestly). I needed to get my feelings out. I told her about how I remembered everything. I didn’t imagine it either. She wanted to pretend it didn’t happen. That’s what pissed me off. It took time, but through the grace of God (if you believe in God), I was able to forgive her. I felt a weight lifted off me like no other. It has made me progress in my life in ways I didn’t feel was possible. I had no say in my childhood, but I absolutely have control over my future. I was not going to let my past define me. I deserved a good life, and I’m creating a great future for myself. It does start with forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to forget. My mom and I have a decent relationship now. There will always be scars and triggers that I have to live with, but no one walks through this world problem free. I strive for more good days than bad. Much love to you. Very touching post.

    ❤️​Ipuna

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ipuna, I apologise for my delayed response. Beginning in February, my thoughts focus on how my children’s grandma passed away on the 28th, which happens to be my birthday. Shirley, was a great mother in-law and an even better grandma. Ironically, February is the month my mother called asking if I would drive her to the ER where later in the day she was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. She came home with me that day, my son was two. March 31st we celebrated her 54th birthday. In May, exactly 13 weeks after her diagnoses, falling on the day after mother’s day, she died. As I held my son that night, I looked to the now empty couch she had lay on, tears rolled over my cheeks, I actually missed her and realized I would never have the opportunity to tell her I loved her. I asked my three brothers if we could have inscribed on her headstone, “She is Loved”, which was done.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Cynthia, So sorry to hear about your children’s grandma :(. And happy birthday. What a up and down day it was for you. I’m so sorry for everything you have been through lately. 😦 I believe your mother is looking down on you. That is wonderful that you put “She is Loved” on her headstone. I hope she feels it on the other side. ❤️ My heart and prayers go out to you and your family during this time. Much love.

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      2. Thank you for your sentiments. Somehow, I may have confused you, Grandma passed two years ago and this May will mark 25 years for my mom, yet, when February rolls around it’s like new again.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I still have not forgiving someone after 12 years of knowing this person, for some reason I keep hoping God will punish them for what they did!!! I have forgiven a lot of people, including my dad and if you read my blog you would know why! But this person is a thorn in my side, I think it’s stupid and I need to let it go but I just can’t sometimes! Great post!!

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    1. I can’t think of one person that I have forgiven except my mom, but only after she passed away. There is something about when people die our preception changes. I am not sure why that is.

      Liked by 1 person

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