Oh, Lord why did you take my mom so soon? Taking her life before spring flowers had chance to bloom. My spirit left void the moment mom did depart. Like a vacant room thus became my grieving heart.

It was in the early morning when mom phoned to say she was suffering severe pain in every bone. I arrived within minutes as the distance between us was not that far. Immediately, I sensed the pain she could not mask. Have you not seen a doctor, was the first question I asked? She looked down, hesitated, then slowly replied, “I thought the pain would subside.” At the hospital, mom was tested for this and that, when finished, in the waiting room together we anxiously sat.

Often, mom would shift and softly moan, I would lean in toward her and whisper, “remember, mom you are not alone.” I was tormented for the hours passing in that day by thoughts of what the doctor might come to say. Quickly, we rose as we watched the doctor approach, he turned away to clear his throat before he spoke. Exhausted from worry and concern, I listened as my worst nightmare his words did confirm.

Terminal Lung Cancer was mom’s given fate, within six months the doctor estimated death’s date. To my home, mom came to live out the days that remained. With faith, mom became resolved while I went insane as I comforted and cared for her while rendering aid. Time did keep to a natural pace though it seemed to race, in the thirteenth week, the last test showed throughout mom’s body her cancer had grown. Filled with dread, I understood what need not be said, it was time to surrender mom to a hospital bed.

Several days after, mom was no longer aware so from the pain she was mercifully spared. Like rain pouring from the darkness of a storm came a flood of tears held back from fear. Through the large window in mom’s room way up high, I viewed a swath of Violet across the open sky. It was the reflection of the Jacaranda’s blossoms, an annual treat, now presented ever so bitter than sweet. The day after Mother’s Day, of all the days to be, in a breath mom’s heart ceased to beat.

Oh, Lord why did you take my mom so soon? Taking her life before spring flowers had chance to bloom. My spirit left void the moment mom did depart. Like a vacant room thus became my grieving heart.

Months later, while asleep in my bed to mom’s soul I dreamt I was led. She looked at me smiling softly and then said, “Come hold me, daughter, if you wish.” As I did, I felt the love I continue to miss. After I awoke, no longer present was my grief for I understood when from this life I leave then to be together with my mom for eternity.

Mom, Esther passed May 12, 1992 – 55 years of age.

3 thoughts on “Too Soon to Lose

  1. I haven’t got a chance to read this before. Such events make my heart cries as we are incapable of offering any help. And mostly, we’re actually crying ourselves too. May the souls all our beloved ones rest in peace.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am so homesick! I moved to a city that in 2015 the list (#7) of the cities with the highest crime rate per capita in the U.S.In 2016, this wonderful city earned the sought after title of “Murder Capitol of California.” It’s proper name is Merced, California. My idiot brother, in 1994, bought a duplex in Merced. When, facing homelessness, he offered me to rent a unit. It has been four years now and in the 52 years of my life, I have never… After my first 30 days, I asked my brother why are the people in the neighborhood always lighting fire crackers when July is so far off? Yeah, it was gunfire. Now, about your mobile home?


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