Emma, this morning I took Buddy out for a walk and could not stop thinking of you. My chest pained with guilt because I blame myself for your reluctance to call. Although I have never before failed any endeavor, at being a mother, I must admit failure. In the times of my depression,  the love of you sustained me when I felt most alone
 
How can I ask for forgiveness when I think my behavior unforgivable? Often, I wonder how my abrupt hospitalizations affected you emotionally and whether this distance between us is the long-term impact. Hopefully, my mental illness has not tainted your ability to parent. When I remember our time together as mother and daughter, in the same moment I smile and cry. You are a perfect daughter, Emma, I am blessed with the experience of such a beautifully spirited child and young woman.
 
Would it be wishful thinking to believe we can repair our relationship? Since my move, I know so little about what has transpired in your life, so little about your ambitions and dreams.  You are important to me and have not departed from my heart. I will always love you, muffin. Please remember I am here for you even though I may have become obsolete.
Hug and kiss my grandson for me and at times remind him of my love. 
Stay well and be happy…, my daughter.
Mom
 
Oh mommy, I never could hate you. You gave me life, a roof over my head and food to eat when I was hungry. Yes, there were tough times and my upbringing wasn’t what anyone could imagine but because of it, I am who I am today. I am thankful for the hardship I faced at such a young age because now I appreciate the small things. Looking at Damian and the love I feel for him I know how you feel toward me and I know you could never try to hurt me intentionally. I forgive you and I love you I always want you to know it wasn’t your fault and you couldn’t help it. Sometimes, I lay at night and cry because I miss my mommy so much and I wish I could turn to you for your support and advice but then I stay strong because that’s what Damian needs. But I am happy here with Damian and I am doing well. I’m here anytime you want to talk. I always will be! I would never ignore you on purpose. I Love you
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